💖 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓱 – 𝓞𝓾𝓻 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 💖

Our second set of twins, identical girls Leah Faith and Erin Eleanor were born 10 weeks premature at 30 weeks. 

After complications in the pregnancy with twin to twin transfusion and then a massive placental bleed, they were delivered by caesarean section under general anaesthetic on 25th January 2016.

They now, purely by chance, shared their birthday with their elder twin sisters, Charlotte and Isabelle, who were born on the same date, eight years earlier.

We already knew that the girls would most likely need to be delivered early, as during a routine scan in late December 2017, it was discovered that twin to twin transfusion was likely.

As the girls were sharing a placenta, (monochorionic) we always knew the pregnancy carried higher risks. There had been differences in growth between them at some previous scans, so we were already being closely monitored.

However, in December they realised that the larger twin (Twin 1 – Leah) was growing much more than the smaller twin (Twin 2 – Erin) who’s growth was very slow, meaning that the placental blood flow to Leah was greater than that to Erin.

I was booked in for weekly scans to keep an eye on their growth but even then I still don’t think the gravity of the situation really sank in with me.

I remember thinking that the longer I could keep them inside, the greater chance they would have, but I didn’t really know anything about twin to twin transfusion and had been so lucky in all my previous pregnancies to have never had many complications, so this was all new to us.

Unfortunately I didn’t really have much time to think about any of it, or to even begin to understand the complexity of twin to twin transfusion, or to even prepare myself properly for what may happen, because one night out of nowhere only a few weeks later I began bleeding extremely heavily. I woke up thinking that my waters had gone at first, but as I got up I realised I was bleeding heavily.

I was rushed into our local hospital in Elgin by ambulance, but as they don’t have the facilities to deal with very premature births or two such tiny babies, calls were made to find somewhere else that could take me and that would have special care places for the girls.

Luckily, Raigmore Hospital in Inverness had space for me and two SCBU cots for the the girls, so I was transferred there by ambulance within a couple of hours of arriving at Elgin.

It was an extremely frightening time for me, especially as Ben had had to stay at home with the other children, so I was on my own. I didn’t really know what was happening and I think I was in a degree of shock about the whole situation. I just had to put all my faith into the team looking after me and the girls.

It was so lucky that Inverness had space that night as otherwise I could have been sent a lot further away, Glasgow, Edinburgh, even Belfast if necessary, anywhere that could have taken all three of us really.

Someone was most definitely looking down on us that night keeping us all safe. 

After checks, monitoring and further scans they then found that the blood flow to Erin was being further comprised, so with that and the risk of me having another huge bleed, the decision was made to deliver the girls straight away by Caesarean section.  

Leah Faith was delivered first at 2.08pm weighing 3lb 4oz, followed by Erin Eleanor four minutes later at 2.12pm weighing just 2lb 6oz. 

Unfortunately, I had to have a general anaesthetic as the spinal epidural had only worked on one side and they needed the girls out quickly so I didn’t see them enter the world and neither did Ben as he was at home looking after the other children.

I remember feeling totally overwhelmed at the amount of people that were in the operating theatre. The whole situation was totally out of my control which was really scary.

When they were born they both needed stabilising and were rapidly whisked off to the SCBU intensive care. 

Ben had brought the rest of the children back with him later that day after picking them up from school and they were the first to see the girls a few hours after they were born.

One of the many lovely nurses who took care of us all took photos of them both which were brought to me when I was back on the ward.

I remember thinking that they didn’t look too tiny in the photos but they were both hooked up to CPAP machines and there was so many wires that I couldn’t see their beautiful little faces. 

I finally got down to see them later that evening and it hit me like a tonne of bricks! They were so unbelievably tiny!! Way more tiny than I could ever have imagined, and not being able to hold them was just heart wrenching!

We knew they were in the best possible place and that they were being looked after by absolute angels, but not being able to care for them myself as I had done so many times before was awful, I felt so very helpless!!

I was in so much pain from the c-section and I felt so sad, I just couldn’t stop crying. It all felt like such a surreal situation and I couldn’t take it all in.

I felt like I had failed by not finishing the pregnancy, I thought of all the things that I could have done to have made this happen and what I should or shouldn’t have done! I felt like it was my fault that they had been born so early!

I felt scared and I felt guilty! 

I didn’t know what was going to happen and was not prepared for this at all. I wanted to be happy that they were born but it seemed wrong as we didn’t know whether or not they would pull through. We had never been in this situation before and we had no idea how to feel!

At only one day old Leah developed a large pneumothorax in one of her lungs causing her to be ventilated and have a chest drain inserted to remove the air.

This again hit me hard. I was just trying to come to terms with them being born so early that I wasn’t prepared for all of the things that could happen to them once they were born. They were so tiny and fragile.

Leah had another small pneumothorax in the other lung a day later aswell but luckily it managed to repair itself over the course of the next week and didn’t need any further intervention.

After 3 days I was discharged and allowed to go home. 

Leaving the hospital without my babies was probably one of the most difficult and heartbreaking things I have ever had to do. 

I cried the entire way home and although I was glad to be able to be with the other children it was just crushing having to leave the twins behind.

One of my very good friends was looking after the other children when I got home that night and I will never forget her face, she knew exactly what I was feeling and that there was no words that could make me feel any better.

We quickly got into a routine of dealing with the children at home and making sure they got to a school etc and then driving over to Inverness (50 mins) to see the girls, spending a few hours with them and then getting back to the others again. Sometimes, we would go back again in the evening as i just needed to be with them.

Over the first week Erin seemed to be doing fairly well, although very tiny she was obviously a fighter, but at only a week old we received a call to say that she had taken a turn for the worst and they were unsure what was wrong, but that she was being transferred to another hospital as she may need operating on for necrotizing enterocolitis.

We were over an hour away at home with the other children at school and we couldn’t make it to the hospital to see her in time before she left, we actually passed the neonatal ambulance on the way as it was going in the other direction. 

I remember as clear as day getting the phone call from the hospital saying that Erin was being transferred as her temperature had spiked and her infection markers were rising and they weren’t sure what was wrong.

We later found out that Erin had developed sepsis and they were not sure if she was going to make it, all we could do was wait and hope that the antibiotics and treatment worked. 

Ben took the call and then tried to relay what they had told him, but he was just as confused and distraught as I was, although he was much more able to hold it all together and think practically.  

They had said that they thought she either had NEC and may need operating on, or that she had an infection of some sort, but she needed to be taken through to Aberdeen NICU as they had more facilities to operate if necessary.

I remember being in one of the bedrooms at home changing the beds at the time, trying to keep myself occupied, and just panicking as I needed to get to her but the hospital was over an hour away and I couldn’t drive because of my c-section and we had all the other children at home or in school so needed to be at home for them.

The hospital said that we probably wouldn’t make it there before they moved her so to just come through to see Leah later as planned as the hospital she was being transferred to was a three hour drive in the other direction and she would need to be seen as soon as she got there so we wouldn’t be able to see her anyway. 

Again, one of the wonderful nurses took a photo of her in the transport incubator and sent it to us. It meant so much to be able to see her, but she looked so very tiny and so very fragile. 

I remember taking Lizzie to gymnastics that afternoon as I normally would trying my hardest to hold it all together and just suddenly breaking down, thinking please let me see her again, what if I never get to see her again, that was the worst moment of my life, not knowing if she was going to make it. 

I just felt completely helpless in every way. 

It turned out that she had sepsis and if it hadn’t been for the SCBU team picking it up so quickly, she wouldn’t be here today. 

I couldn’t then and still can’t put into words what absolutely incredible angels they all are!!

We spent the next two weeks dividing our time between the children at home and the two hospitals. We would get the children to school in the morning, then travel over to Aberdeen to see Erin, back again for school pick up, clubs, tea and bed time and then over to Inverness to see Leah in the evening.

I remember doing my shopping in Inverness Tesco at midnight one night! It was all a bit of a blur really!

After about 3 or 4 lumbar punctures, 2 sets of gentimicin antibiotics, 2 blood transfusions and what seemed like such a long time, Erin fought her way back to stability and continued to slowly pick up. She hadn’t been able to take milk when she was really sick, I remember asking every day if she was well enough to have milk but she wasn’t for about 10 days. At her lowest point she weighed only a tiny 810g (approx 1lb 7oz).

There is so much about their journey that I don’t remember as so much happened and at times it was too much to take in. 

Having them in two different hospitals over 100 miles apart and having all the other children at home to care for aswell was just immense.

Trying to keep things as normal as we could for the children at home with school and clubs, as they were suffering and upset, and trying to shield our heartache from them was one of the most difficult things at times.

I was so overwhelmed by it all. I felt like I should know what to do and how to feel because I had so many other children but I just didn’t have any answers and I didn’t know where to turn. I wished I’d known then where to find support for us.

At the time I wish I’d known about organisations like bliss etc as I didn’t know who to turn to. I felt like I should know what I was doing but I felt lost and scared.

At just over 3 weeks old we got both girls back together at the same hospital and at 6 weeks old, weighing 5lb, Leah was well enough to come home. It was fantastic to be able to bring her home but upsetting that we again had to leave Erin behind. I took Leah to visit Erin everyday and finally after another 4 weeks at 10 weeks old and weighing 5lb, Erin too was well enough to come home.

We were all over the moon to finally have the family all together and although we knew it was still a long road ahead it was a massive milestone to have them home.

Unfortunately after only a week at home they both ended up back in hospital for another week with rsv and bronchiolitis so they both needed antibiotics and oxygen. Thankfully after another week we got them both home again.

That first year of their lives we seemed to have endless hospital visits and appointments, paediatrician, brain scans, cardiology, optometry, the list seemed endless but the girls passed all the tests and the excess fluid on the brain and the heart murmurs seemed to to disappear as they grew.

The girls are still under their wonderful paediatrician and Erin is still being seen with regards to her hearing issues but other than that they are both happy and healthy and growing like trees!!!

These girls are fiesty, independent, adventurous, strong minded, strong willed, amazing little miracles. They have come so far in their lives already and fought so hard and most of it they won’t even remember.

We however, will always remember what they went through and how incredible they are and how precious life is!

A lot of the way that we thought about things changed after the girls were born, we really learned that life is truly precious and tomorrow is never a given! 

Enjoy today for what it is and take pleasure in the small things. Try to look for the positives in things and be kind, to yourself and to others. Life is so very special. 💖💖